Wednesday, June 10, 2020

Dry June -- Dry January turned into a drizzly then rainy spring - Now it's dry June!

So I'm back to it.  It's June 10, and a new day 10 for me.  I kept alcohol free for 44 days at the beginning of this year, from January 1 to February 13.  I remember the date exactly because February 13 was the day I left with my husband for a trip (no kids) to a posh resort in Jamaica for his 50th birthday.  I remember not even really wanting to drink, but feeling like I had committed only to 30 days, it was now 44 and my husband wanted to kick back with some cocktails and sunshine.  (I should mention he did dry January with me but stopped at the end of January.)

I remember almost being nervous to drink, I did not get a drink on the plane even though we were in first class, I waited until we were at the airport where there was a lounge with, of course, free drinks.  The trip was fine, though we were definitely hungover a few days, which was not great.   And I modified for a while when we came back.  But as things go, slowly, slowly, they began to slip.  First there was COVID-19 and then I thought some kid was bullying my son at the park across the street from my house and apparently saw me all grubby and weeding and called me a fat, ugly, gay-ass ho to my son. This upset me probably disproportionately so, and worried me (will he be harassed, how can I oversee a park, will he be afraid to go there) which I used an excuse to drink more also.  Anyway, but May I felt ugly and sad about my drinking again.  While it had not returned to pre-January levels, I could see that is where it was headed.  So, dry June!

Dry June may be forever, but then again maybe it will not be.  But I want to recreate what I had in January, dry out, and assess then whether its time to say goodbye to alcohol for good. 

Right now though, Day 10 is hard, I'm restless and anxious and not sleeping that well.  Rather, not falling asleep that well.  I suppose its no wonder what with everything going on in the world right now with COVID, and George Floyd, and massive unrest.  But wine doesn't help with anything related to these events or my processing of them.  So onward (and upward) I hope!

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