Tuesday, January 7, 2020

Dry January Day 7 - Back to Work

Day 7 - Back to work

I'm tired today and have a headache.  Going back to work has definitely taken some of the added pleasure out of being sober and things like walks to the deli at dawn, organizing attics and taking foggy hikes.  Instead, I'm just at work, exactly where I would be even if I was not doing a sober January (plus?).  I have noticed though that I feel more confident and less hesitant at work,  Its hard to explain but I feel like I have a better sense of who I am -- I am not trying to compensate for being hungover, or thinking about wine, or wondering if anyone else is hungover, or just generally feeling like I have to hide a little piece of me (the drinking part) that makes me weaker, that makes me less.

Instead, I feel proud and whole and good, if a little tired (and still a little sweaty at night).  And, albeit just for a couple of minutes during this long day, I felt almost giddy driving in the rain, singing to 99 Luftballoons on the radio on the way to pick up my son from practice at 8pm this evening.  It was more than just the song, it was a moment of happiness and I was happy to be where I was, doing what I was doing, no wine involved.  For that I am grateful.  Not to say that I was unhappy the rest of the day, its just that that moment was something more.

I was not really tempted to drink today, though as usual I thought about alcohol a lot, drinking and not drinking it.  I know there will likely be harder times ahead, but today was okay and I am feeling grateful.

P.s.  Current reading:  Jason Vale - How to kick the Drink. . . Easily!
I do feel like the AF books in general really help me and reinforce all the reasons for going AF.  But definitely ready for a regular (non alcohol related) book too!

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